These are excuse notes from parents (including original spelling) collected by schools from all over the country. Adapted from "World Class Excuses for Missing School" (author unknown).

1. My son is under a doctor's care and should not take P.E. today. Please execute him.

2. Please excuse Lisa for being absent. She was sick and I had her shot.

3. Dear School: Please ekscuse John being absent on Jan. 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, and also 33.

4. Please excuse Gloria from Jim today. She is administrating.

5. Carlos was absent yesterday because he was playing football. He was hurt in the growing part.

6. Please excuse Ray Friday from school. He has very loose vowels.

7. Please excuse Pedro from being absent yesterday. He had diahre dyrea direate the sh*ts.

8. Please excuse Jimmy for being. It was his father's fault.

9. Please excuse Jennifer for missing school yesterday. We forgot to get the Sunday paper off the porch, and when we found it Monday, we thought it was Sunday.

10. My daughter was absent yesterday because she was tired. She spent a weekend with the Marines.